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- All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
- Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance. Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
And how come there's never a garage actually for sale at all those garage sales? I said, 'Yes, but not right now.' I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension. - When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
If you wear your heart on your sleeve, where do you display other bodily parts? Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, 'I think I might have written that.' He asked me if I knew what time it was. - At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes. God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter. The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. - Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other. - Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many. - To err is human, to forgive is not company policy. Why is it that most irons have a setting for 'permanent press' garments? Why is it a 'garage door opener', since it opens and closes the door? - If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. - You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. At an 'all-you-can-eat' restaurant, is there a penalty for eating less than you can? (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...). The defendant who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting. I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets. But Ive found that a few smaller countries are neutral. I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it. Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. I used to think that the whole world was against me.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating